Ikru and 'A tale of two mommies'

We started going to the library every week since it is situated near Ikru's swimming class. Seeing the pace at which Ikru is learning swimming, guess we can visit library regularly minimum for a year. All of us take books and Ikru is the only one who religiously finishes reading her books in a week. Some days we help her select books. The other day, I was busy searching for a particular book and Ikru and her dad selected her books. At home I checked the books and one was named - "A tale of two mommies". Knowing the extent to which Aussies go to teach kids about inclusiveness, I immediately understood it is about a same sex couple. My not so open husband had not understood that :)

In a way, it is amazing the way they try to impart these values in kids. One week, her reading exercise was like "I am brown, my eyes are black, etc etc (the colors were to be filled by the children) and I am beautiful the way I am". Definitely that is something we should teach our kids. They try to teach the kids that all skin color, eye color, hair color, body type are beautiful. (I totally feel that they are less bothered about skin color than us Indians who have a huge passion for fair skin). I totally admire the values they try to teach kids. So as part of this, they are trying to teach the kids that having two mommies is also equally good as having a mom and dad. It goes like a question answer session where one kid ask the other one questions like which mommy bakes, which mommy teach him to ride a bicycle and so on.. and the other one answers. Even after reading that to Ikru, my husband did not realize what it was (guess he was not paying attention to what he was reading) . I was wondering when he became so open minded and asked him. And then he realized.

Ikru was always fascinated by the idea of marriage (or mainly wedding I guess, the lil fashionista is always about dresses and shoes and make up). And first she wanted to marry her dad. And finally when I convinced her that  she cannot marry her dad, she settled with my youngest brother. When my younger brother married and my sister in law came to our house, she decided that she is marrying the other one. Then she can fulfill another dream as well, she can stay with my mom forever. :) So she told my mom "Mommy, I shall marry kochacha so that I can stay here the way Ammayi is staying here after marrying Valyacha". Somehow finally we convinced her that she cannot marry her uncle as well and then she settled for her best friend Achu.

After leaving Bangalore, and joining new school, within a few weeks, she managed to find another prospective groom, in fact two this time. Mamma, I want to marry this boy or that boy...  haha .  And that is when she got the idea of two mommies.

And then one fine morning Ikru asked her dad, "Dadda, Can two girls marry each other?". Her confused dad (who totally forgot about the book) - "Not sure if it is legal here honey. Why? what is the issue" . Ikru in deep thoughts - "I wanted to marry Sophia(You know, the boys keep fighting always)". My conservative husband had the shock of his life and was searching for words. Me laughing to my heart's content told him - "haha, YOU selected that book "

The parental dilemmas

I am in a dilemma - when my daughter talks about school fairy and tooth fairy, I am not sure whether I should let her live in that fantasy land for some time. After all, according to the Hollywood movies,  telling a kid that Santa does not exist is the worst crime in the world :) And since I never had any such fantasies during my childhood, a part of me doesn't want her to believe in fairies and Santa. But another part is like, "ok, let her enjoy that innocent fantasies for some time". I think it is because I have a bit of both my parents in me - the God fearing mom and the no-nonsense, ever rational dad! So the ever confused, agnostic me don't know what to teach my daughter. 

This confusion brought back memories of my childhood days and so this is more about my parents, than about Ikru. Specially about that one superman in my life; the man who never ceases to surprise me, be it by solving a 7 sided Rubik's cube or by finding time to read astrophysics while managing all the farm work by himself.

Sometimes I feel that I was brought up by the most rational man in the world. My papa who taught me to find reasons, to ask questions and most importantly to THINK. The most patient teacher I have ever seen, the kind heart that he is, yet the superhero of my childhood who had muscle power to match his intellect. The quintessential personality I admire. During my teenage days, I was always so proud of myself, the way I think, the vast reading I have done, I considered myself so rational, intellectual and what not.. I was so proud that I finished reading so many classics like "War and Peace", "Don Quixote" or "Pride and prejudice" before reaching the age of 10.  Until one day when my mom asked me "Do you think you would be like this if not for Papa, who taught you everything; right from the moment you were born?"  

Yes, he taught me everything. He taught me to read even before I reached the age of 3. Yes, I could read Malayalam fluently even before completing 3 years and I was a wonder to people around at that time. So in my teenage when people talk about that I used to feel that I was so great to achieve something like that. But mummy was like "Do you think you could have done it without him? No dear, that's his achievement, not yours". Yes, now when I turn back I realize, everything that I can be proud of; be it the rational thinking, the reading habits, the empathy and what not.. I owe it all to him! I wouldn't have read so many classics if he did not have the Malayalam translation of all those in his collection. Just the way he taught me swimming, cycling or climbing trees, he taught me to read, think and above all to be considerate to others. When we all bad mouth the man who jumped across our car making Papa apply a sudden brake, he would say " who knows, his kid might be in hospital".

He took so much care in moulding my thoughts and in that process I started searching for logic in every thing. So I never believed in fairies or Santa or ghosts and so I was a fearless soul. I never got scared after the ghost story sessions in hostels because of that deep routed believes I had. I could easily go and sleep in a cemetery during my teenage days (I was not so aware of the rape stories back then; now I am scared even when I am alone in a deserted place in broad daylight, thanks to them).

He taught us to look at our neighbors' only to ensure that they have enough; never to compare. Empathy is a way of life for him. And he would give away anything to help others -except his books, he remember the names of people who borrowed them and not returned, though he doesn't remember people who borrowed cash/other things.

Yes, he is the greatest human being I have ever met in person. The most principled, most disciplined  man I have ever seen. And like my brother said once - a real rare breed. He taught us by his example. Yet, we failed to learn. We can never be like him. We tell our fair share of lies to survive, we think about us before helping anyone else.

And yes, above all ; he never once told me - "You are a girl, so you should not do that" - that one dialogue I used to hear almost every day during my childhood and teenage from everywhere; mom, teachers, relatives, and who all!

I am happy about the way he moulded me; But yet sometimes I really wonder if my childhood could have been a little more colorful if there were fairies in my fantasies; and the hope that I could meet one :) Though I had the most wonderful childhood in the village - climbing trees, swimming in river, hiking the small mountains around - sometimes I feel that I never actually was a child. How can a 7 year old who reads "Sahithyavarafalam" by M krishnan Nair in Kalakowmudi be called a child! Did I lose something beautiful since I did not believe in fairies or angels or for that matter in God himself in my childhood! Or rather, did I lose my childhood since I was too rational at a very young age!

So in summary, I still don't know if I should let my child believe in fairies; but the other part of the story is that she believes her teacher more than me. So her teacher told her there is a school fairy; so there it is. If I have to prove otherwise, it would require hard work. So.. may be.. let there be fairies :)

I am back..

It's been a long 3 years since I have written anything here. Ikru is going to school, making new friends, going on play dates, helps me wipe plates, and what not! :) Yes, it has been the best 5.5 years of my life with a lot of sweet memories. I started this blog to keep a journal of that beautiful journey. But somehow, stopped in between. I know, I must have lost the memories of a hundred beautiful incidents :( Yet, I shall try to jot down at least the ones that come to my mind.

I do tell everyone, daughters are the best thing that can happen to a person. They fill our lives with cheerful energy, compassionate love and unlimited happiness. The softest kisses and cuddles, the most beautiful imaginations, the most wonderful thoughts..

I always remember the times when she had showed great care  and love :)  I particularly remember this incident always.... My husband was away on work for a long time. I was finding it really difficult juggling work, home, daughter, cooking.. I was tired, no... exhausted.. I never had any family members nearby for any help. And everything seemed like a herculean task! There was this one particular day. I had a bad day at work, and I was really tired, yet busy cooking dinner. My daughter was continuously asking me if I can take her to the park. I said "No!". Yes, If they really want something, kids have the habit of repeating the question until you change your mind or lose your mind! She went on and on making me crazy. Then she was like "ok, put on a cartoon for me." With chappathi dough on both hands I went near her and screamed "That's all you want, right?! Either play or watch cartoon and have fun! Do you ever think about anyone else?!" I know that was too much funda for a 4 year old. She looked at me and said "No mamma, that's not all I want, I want something else also" I was like "What the heck is that other thing you want?" . She looked into my eyes and said "Mamma, I don't want you to be cooking and working a lot and then be very tired". Yes, those were the exact words. I remember it verbatim..  Oh God, I was speechless, I did not know what to say. I just hugged her and said thank you!

I feel that I have the best mother and the best daughter in the world.. And sometimes it makes me feel that I am so inadequate.. I am neither a good mother like mine nor a good daughter like mine. But it's ok.. we are all wonderful women and we love one another for what we are! They ought to love me the way I am :) And they do!

Princess diaries - dated 15 July 2011

My darling daughter…

You are the most compassionate person I have seen in my whole life. Always ready to help anyone…

I still remember that day.. when you surprised us… Your dad was leaving to office.. he was putting on his shoes and he could not find his socks. He asked me whether I put it to wash. I said ‘NO’. You were standing nearby and suddenly you ran inside. N your Dada n me were wondering where you ran to. He asked me ‘where did she go?” I said “I dunno”. You ran and came back with 3-4 socks of his. Oh.. sweetheart.. how cute that was. We dint even know that you knew the drawer where we keep it and that you can differentiate your Dad’s and my socks also.  You r soo intelligent dear…

Today morning also.. You r such an independent gal that You put on your shoes all by yourself unlike most of the kids of your age(I know much older kids who cannot do that). You were putting your footwear all by yourself.. And You know wt.. You helped with mine as well.. Jesus!No one can be sweeter than you my dear… Luuuuv u soooo much!  Proud to be your mom! Am very sure that one day I’ll be renowned as Eva’s Mom :)

Gift of life

I had to wait twenty eight years to experience…

There is someone whose eyes sparkle on seeing me..
There is someone who jumps with joy when I get back from work..
There is someone who dances when I sing..
There is someone who enjoys dancing with me… laughing all the time..
There is someone who stops crying when getting a hug from me..
There is someone who smiles when kissed by me…
There is someone who wants to hear my lullabies to sleep…
Above all, there is someone who prefers to be with me, than being with anyone else in the world…
My little star who shines so bright my life glows ever so bright with the rays of love.

The Princess Diaries

An excerpt from my diary dated November 18th.

Today is November 18th. It has been 8 months since I saw her for the first time. The memories of that meeting are still so vivid in my mind.

I heard someone say “Moncy, it’s a beautiful girl”.

I looked at her.

She did not notice me.

But I liked her. That crude form of innocence was something which I had never seen in my whole life. I knew that I was going to be totally in love with her.

At first it was really difficult to please her. I always did whatever was possible to make her happy. But she never acknowledged it.

It took long 7 weeks of hard work and sleepless nights to get my first reward, her first smile. Oh.. God! It was so heavenly… so beautiful… a perfect smile. I was overwhelmed with joy. THAT was the most wonderful moment in my life.

Gradually she started loving me. Now, she can’t even spend a moment without me, she needs me for everything, to feed her, to play with her, to cuddle her to sleep; the list goes on and on.

Sadly, its now time for me to leave her and get back to work. I really don’t know how we can cope up with this separation.

My dear daughter I want to be with you always. I want to witness each of your “firsts”. Although I got to witness your first crawl, your first smile, there are many other first I truly want to be a part of… the first step… the firsts of everything.

I don’t want to miss any of that. I don’t enjoy anyone else feeding you, bathing you, patting you to sleep. The thought of leaving you with a maid really makes me wanna give up my job, no matter how much it meant to me earlier.

However, I have no choice darling. I have to work to make your future secure.
It’s for you my darling. So forgive me my dear.

Those days.... mixed with confusion and joy

It seemed like it was all about the pain..
the ever enduring back pain, the swollen legs...
the heart burns n leg cramps.. those which never occurred before...

Those sleepless nights when I was wide awake..
A spiralling pain from places unknown..

Dizziness signaling that my BP was succumbing to gravity ..
It felt it was all about those added tensions..

The boss who was bothered about the project deliveries alone..
The colleague who was ever ready to catch a fault n announce that..
All as if they were the end of the world.

The bus driver who had a blind eye towards gutters and humps..
My best friend who told me that it’s all because I expect compassion from everywhere..
The dearest husband who at times failed to understand the mood swings..

I thought whatever had i gotten into!

And then..
The moment I feel your presence, the tickling movement inside my womb,
It was all about joy and excitement, my dear..
The small kicks and jerks ... your unique way of telling me 'Mama I love you!'

Those made me feel heavenly bliss .. Yes dear..
You are the most beautiful thing that happened in my life..
The most beautiful experience I ever had..
I love you my angel!