Ikru and 'A tale of two mommies'

We started going to the library every week since it is situated near Ikru's swimming class. Seeing the pace at which Ikru is learning swimming, guess we can visit library regularly minimum for a year. All of us take books and Ikru is the only one who religiously finishes reading her books in a week. Some days we help her select books. The other day, I was busy searching for a particular book and Ikru and her dad selected her books. At home I checked the books and one was named - "A tale of two mommies". Knowing the extent to which Aussies go to teach kids about inclusiveness, I immediately understood it is about a same sex couple. My not so open husband had not understood that :)

In a way, it is amazing the way they try to impart these values in kids. One week, her reading exercise was like "I am brown, my eyes are black, etc etc (the colors were to be filled by the children) and I am beautiful the way I am". Definitely that is something we should teach our kids. They try to teach the kids that all skin color, eye color, hair color, body type are beautiful. (I totally feel that they are less bothered about skin color than us Indians who have a huge passion for fair skin). I totally admire the values they try to teach kids. So as part of this, they are trying to teach the kids that having two mommies is also equally good as having a mom and dad. It goes like a question answer session where one kid ask the other one questions like which mommy bakes, which mommy teach him to ride a bicycle and so on.. and the other one answers. Even after reading that to Ikru, my husband did not realize what it was (guess he was not paying attention to what he was reading) . I was wondering when he became so open minded and asked him. And then he realized.

Ikru was always fascinated by the idea of marriage (or mainly wedding I guess, the lil fashionista is always about dresses and shoes and make up). And first she wanted to marry her dad. And finally when I convinced her that  she cannot marry her dad, she settled with my youngest brother. When my younger brother married and my sister in law came to our house, she decided that she is marrying the other one. Then she can fulfill another dream as well, she can stay with my mom forever. :) So she told my mom "Mommy, I shall marry kochacha so that I can stay here the way Ammayi is staying here after marrying Valyacha". Somehow finally we convinced her that she cannot marry her uncle as well and then she settled for her best friend Achu.

After leaving Bangalore, and joining new school, within a few weeks, she managed to find another prospective groom, in fact two this time. Mamma, I want to marry this boy or that boy...  haha .  And that is when she got the idea of two mommies.

And then one fine morning Ikru asked her dad, "Dadda, Can two girls marry each other?". Her confused dad (who totally forgot about the book) - "Not sure if it is legal here honey. Why? what is the issue" . Ikru in deep thoughts - "I wanted to marry Sophia(You know, the boys keep fighting always)". My conservative husband had the shock of his life and was searching for words. Me laughing to my heart's content told him - "haha, YOU selected that book "

The parental dilemmas

I am in a dilemma - when my daughter talks about school fairy and tooth fairy, I am not sure whether I should let her live in that fantasy land for some time. After all, according to the Hollywood movies,  telling a kid that Santa does not exist is the worst crime in the world :) And since I never had any such fantasies during my childhood, a part of me doesn't want her to believe in fairies and Santa. But another part is like, "ok, let her enjoy that innocent fantasies for some time". I think it is because I have a bit of both my parents in me - the God fearing mom and the no-nonsense, ever rational dad! So the ever confused, agnostic me don't know what to teach my daughter. 

This confusion brought back memories of my childhood days and so this is more about my parents, than about Ikru. Specially about that one superman in my life; the man who never ceases to surprise me, be it by solving a 7 sided Rubik's cube or by finding time to read astrophysics while managing all the farm work by himself.

Sometimes I feel that I was brought up by the most rational man in the world. My papa who taught me to find reasons, to ask questions and most importantly to THINK. The most patient teacher I have ever seen, the kind heart that he is, yet the superhero of my childhood who had muscle power to match his intellect. The quintessential personality I admire. During my teenage days, I was always so proud of myself, the way I think, the vast reading I have done, I considered myself so rational, intellectual and what not.. I was so proud that I finished reading so many classics like "War and Peace", "Don Quixote" or "Pride and prejudice" before reaching the age of 10.  Until one day when my mom asked me "Do you think you would be like this if not for Papa, who taught you everything; right from the moment you were born?"  

Yes, he taught me everything. He taught me to read even before I reached the age of 3. Yes, I could read Malayalam fluently even before completing 3 years and I was a wonder to people around at that time. So in my teenage when people talk about that I used to feel that I was so great to achieve something like that. But mummy was like "Do you think you could have done it without him? No dear, that's his achievement, not yours". Yes, now when I turn back I realize, everything that I can be proud of; be it the rational thinking, the reading habits, the empathy and what not.. I owe it all to him! I wouldn't have read so many classics if he did not have the Malayalam translation of all those in his collection. Just the way he taught me swimming, cycling or climbing trees, he taught me to read, think and above all to be considerate to others. When we all bad mouth the man who jumped across our car making Papa apply a sudden brake, he would say " who knows, his kid might be in hospital".

He took so much care in moulding my thoughts and in that process I started searching for logic in every thing. So I never believed in fairies or Santa or ghosts and so I was a fearless soul. I never got scared after the ghost story sessions in hostels because of that deep routed believes I had. I could easily go and sleep in a cemetery during my teenage days (I was not so aware of the rape stories back then; now I am scared even when I am alone in a deserted place in broad daylight, thanks to them).

He taught us to look at our neighbors' only to ensure that they have enough; never to compare. Empathy is a way of life for him. And he would give away anything to help others -except his books, he remember the names of people who borrowed them and not returned, though he doesn't remember people who borrowed cash/other things.

Yes, he is the greatest human being I have ever met in person. The most principled, most disciplined  man I have ever seen. And like my brother said once - a real rare breed. He taught us by his example. Yet, we failed to learn. We can never be like him. We tell our fair share of lies to survive, we think about us before helping anyone else.

And yes, above all ; he never once told me - "You are a girl, so you should not do that" - that one dialogue I used to hear almost every day during my childhood and teenage from everywhere; mom, teachers, relatives, and who all!

I am happy about the way he moulded me; But yet sometimes I really wonder if my childhood could have been a little more colorful if there were fairies in my fantasies; and the hope that I could meet one :) Though I had the most wonderful childhood in the village - climbing trees, swimming in river, hiking the small mountains around - sometimes I feel that I never actually was a child. How can a 7 year old who reads "Sahithyavarafalam" by M krishnan Nair in Kalakowmudi be called a child! Did I lose something beautiful since I did not believe in fairies or angels or for that matter in God himself in my childhood! Or rather, did I lose my childhood since I was too rational at a very young age!

So in summary, I still don't know if I should let my child believe in fairies; but the other part of the story is that she believes her teacher more than me. So her teacher told her there is a school fairy; so there it is. If I have to prove otherwise, it would require hard work. So.. may be.. let there be fairies :)